I cried at work today. Alot. I had a customer handed off to me from my manager. The first thing she says to me is "Im just gonna tell you straight. Im dying from cancer soon" Now I had noticed her lack of hair and the cute wrap she used to conceal her head. But now I noticed the huge lesions on her skin, decaying and trying to heal. "I want to make videos for my funeral and children to remember me from" I instantly thought of my grandmother. Thats alot of videos. I helped her find an inexpensive camera with plenty of memory. I ring her up and she uses her best buy card. "You have 18 months no interest financing" I say after thinking. I knew she wouldn't be around that long. My eyes teared up as she looked at me thanked me for the camera and I told her good luck. I immediately tuned to my store manager and general manager who were a few feet away. Unable to talk I just cried in front of them and managed to ask for 10 minutes to calm down. I realized that I haven't been close to death recently. And I have never known anyone who was dying from cancer. I wanted to hug the woman comfort her, but I didn't want her to mistake me for pitying her. I wasnt pitying her. I knew she was prepared for death. I'm so sensitive. My store manager came up to me afterwards and I apologized for being so sensitive. He told me not too, he said the world needs more people who are compassionate like me and can understand and connect with people. He said he wishes he were more like me.
In happier news. Ive decided to listen to an entire series on audio book. The Sword of Truth by Terry Goodkind. It is a wicked awesome fantasy series. I couldnt put it down before and I cant now! It keeps my mind busy instead of worrying and thinking about things that don't matter.
Mark and I have been working out lately. Lots of stomach and arm exercises! Ive lost 2 more pounds. Mark is down another pound. If I lose 2 pounds a week Ill be down 14 pounds by Otakon. I need to start my costume soon. Im so excited. Id like to tan a little more too.
Mark and I are doing great. Still no big arguments. Our debt is slowly shrinking. I want another kitty. There's a white one across the street with red eyes. Mark said no. Although I know he secretly wants one, he said Blair cat was lonely a few months ago. Matt's supposed to be getting his Corgi in august. That will be $300 for me, since I had to pay $600 for Blair ($400 non-refunable pet fee, $200 deposit)
How is everyone else doing? Its getting terribly hot here. Matt said our blood will start to thin and adapt. I think his blood is adapting. Mine is just retarded I guess. Sigh. I want snow.....
I don't think I would have been able to even really talk to that customer without getting choked up. Cancer is a subject that scares the hell out of me, since I've dealt with it too many times.
ReplyDeleteIt was actually part of what triggered my first brush with depression, before I truly realized that I was depressed. My mother was diagnosed with thyroid as well as colon cancer about 4 or 5 years ago. She was lucky in that it was found early, and was thus operable. Just some scars and medication for life. Along with that, one of my former managers has been fighting cancer for about 5 years at least. She's relapsed twice now, and it seems like a losing battle, though she's strong as hell so she's beaten it so far.
In addition to those, there are another two brushes I've had with it, both of which were relatives of my ex. Her father, who I watched go through chemo and radiation, and the hell that put him through, along with surgeries to remove a lobe of his liver along with a good part of his colon, and then have it come back less than a year later. Also, her uncle, who didn't survive it. That one was easily the hardest, because of the outcome, and how weak he was by the end. He was a really great guy that I didn't get to know for long enough. His was the only funeral I've ever been to, and I wish it could be the last.
So...yeah, bit of a depressing trip down memory lane, and you're gonna get one hell of a hug the next time I see you. There's not a damn thing wrong with crying, in fact it's better to do than not. Being an empath is a curse and a blessing that I know all to well.
Wow, that's just...wow. yeah I'm with Brian. No idea what I would have done. ...Probably just found you and had you do it. Mostly because I just hate DI, but still.
ReplyDeleteWe should all do something outside of that terrible blue box sometime, enjoy the fact that we're people. Just a thought. We were all off today, actually. Missed that chance. Think about it.